Don't make them so sweet this time.
You've had two already. Can't you wait till we're on the ground?
What are you talking about? I'll make the next batch.
You take the controls.
-I don't know how to fly an airplane. -There's really nothing to it.
-But Benjy can't fly! -That's nonsense. Anybody can fly a plane.
I'll check you out. Put your little hands on the wheel.
That's it. Now you have it. Now the feet on the rudder.
There you are, feet on the rudder.
Who says this boy can't fly a plane? There you go.
I'm making an Old Fashioned the old-fashioned way...
...the way dear old Dad used to.
What if something happens?
What can happen to an Old Fashioned, all right?
I know you don't know what to do, so don't do nothing.
-I won't do nothing. -That boy's a natural-born flyer.
Wait a minute. Ease back on her!
-I'm easing. -Ease back a little!
-I'm trying my best. -All kidding aside--
I'm not kidding any longer. It's making me...
...nervous! We've got an accident back here!
-What happened? -I don't know!
It's good that truck pulled over. I can't stand this anymore.
In the name of reason, pull yourself together.
You were 10 feet over the line.
So it's fisticuffs you want, is it? Right. Stick them up!
-No! No! -Come here, you coward!
No! Don't hit me!
-Stop, you! -Don't hit me!
-Blood. -It certainly is.
Come back here, you blimey....
You want to play it dirty? Okay!
Foul!
You're not much good...
...without that horrible mother-in-law of yours, are you?
Come on. Fight!
You thought you had me, didn't you?
I'll kill you. I swear!
No, stop, please! No, please.
-Hello. Hello there. -Don't shut the motor off!
I'm not shutting anything off! Hello, anybody! Can anybody hear me?
-I can hear you! -I don't care if you hear me!
-I don't know whether we're on the air. -Mayday. Call mayday!
Mayday! Mayday, we're up here! Can you hear us? Help!
-Benjy, say something. -Help!
Hello? Billie Sue?
-Billie Sue, where are you? -I'm at the bus station.
I only called because Mommy said I absolutely--
Sweetie, what are you doing in the bus station?
I'm waiting for the bus.
Your wife's on the other phone.
Ginger? I've got Billie Sue on the other line.
Billie Sue, wait one minute, will you?
-Ginger? -I'm here.
Can you hear Billie Sue? She's crying.
She's in the bus station and she's crying, but she's waiting for you to tell her.
-Billie Suel -Are you listening?
-Are you listening to your mother? -Your mother is speaking.
-Listen to your mother, sweetie. -Billie Suel
Billie Sue! Listen to your mother!
Everything that's happened to my daughter and me today...
...only happened for one reason: because you were too stupid...
...to look where you were going, and wrecked our car!
Yeah?
You either get out of that truck or I'm going to throw you out.
Don't get upset.
You're not going to do anything. Drive on, you big, stupid idiot.
Mommy, don't worry. Your baby's coming to save you!
Mr. Pike, please!
-Let me go! Get away from me! -That isn't nice a bit!
Mother!
That's what I'm here for. That's why you had me, to save you.
Help me!
Emmeline!
Yeah, yeah.
It's practically burned through.
Just a couple blows with the sledgehammer and we're out.
Wait a minute!
I can't cross here!
You said the main road. This is Niagara Falls.
All right, look. You're a little boy.
If you want to be a big boy, which way to the main road?
Don't!
It's no! The answer is no.
He won't back any increase in pensions. He won't even talk about it.
There won't be any increase in pensions. Do you know why?
Because they got a solid majority...
...of Republicans and Democrats who've agreed...
...that if anything is said about pensions, they'll actually reduce your pension!
Why? Because they know that you personally...
...were more responsible than anybody else for closing down the houses.
Could I do anything? Would he listen to me?
All right. So you're an honest cop...
...and you've spent a lifetime being an honest cop...
...and you've got that, and that's all you've got!
It's no good saying I'm sorry.
I'm too angry and sick at my stomach to be sorry.
You're not listening to what I'm saying. That's the trouble with this family.
Melville, I smell something burning.
We're on fire! Come over here.
Come on. This way. Go down. Now. Go.
Hurry up!
Put it out!
I don't know how! Get something!
-The extinguishers. -Get one!
-What'll I do? -Use it!
Not on me! On the fire!
It's too deep!
This is a car, not a canoe!
Come on! It's easy!
If I don't get out of here...Why? Why?
All right! Here I come!
It's too deep!
It's too deep, you little rat fink!
Why didn't you tell me it was... What do I....
Don't stand there! Get somebody! Don't....
This is no place for a convertible!
I'll get you.
I'm bleeding, Emmeline! Look! I'm bleeding!
Mama! What did they do to my Mama?
Benjy!
It's your father's fault.
-The whole thing is your father's fault. -Mommy.
It's your father's fault.
What's the matter, Chief? Something wrong?
-You know as well as I do-- -Listen to me and stop yellingl
Stop it, Billie.
Billie, you're not listening.
Now stop it. Stop it, Monica!
It's only two pieces of small dynamite.
And they're 70 feet away in the other room.
This is a strong counter. We can't possibly get hurt from there.
Please, go and stop it. Stamp on it or something.
-You know I hate explosions. -It's perfectly all right.
I just want to blow a small hole in the wall, then we'll be out of here.
Something's happened to the fuse.
-What could possibly-- -Hold it.
Listen.
The fuse has gone out. I can't hear it anymore.
-Stay down. Don't get up. -I just want to take a look, okay?
Now I see.
It's the fire extinguisher stuff.
The fire extinguisher stuff got on the fuse and put it out.
Melville, don't go in there. You'll be killed.
-You'll be blown to bits. -Monica, for heaven's sake.
I just want to take a look!
Why do you always imagine I can't do things for myself?
Don't you think I got any sense at all?
Why can't you have a little confidence in me?
-I'll never be bad again! -Whoever said you could fly?
What do ya want from me? How long I been flying?
-Keep it going! -Can't you talk to that radio?
Hello, anybody on the ground! On the ground, anybody!
Can you hear us?
-Stand back! -Everybody, stand back.
Stand back, folks. Folks, stand back.
This is Rancho Conejo Tower. Do you hear me?
-We don't know who they are. -This is Rancho Conejo Tower.
Aircraft calling Rancho Conejo Tower, this is Rancho Conejo Tower.
I got 'em!
Hello, down there on the ground.
This is us in the air. We're in trouble!
An awful jam. Listen. Hello?
I think I lost them.
Wait a minute. You're not using the set the right way.
You press your switch in to transmit. When it's released, you're on receive.
Can you understand me? This is Rancho Conejo Tower.
-Where are you and who are you? Over. -I know how to work it, Benjy!
I know how to work it. Hello, down on the ground.
This is us in the air.
We're in this fella's plane.
He knocked himself out...
...because he drank a whole case of bourbon and hit his head.
What do we do?
The switch, let go of the switch!
If you can, give us your position.
Who's flying the plane? Over.
Whaddya mean, "Who's flying the plane?"
Nobody's flying the plane!
Sir? Tower here. Emergency.
Tell him it's a full emergency. We'll try and talk 'em down.
Full emergency. We'll try and talk 'em down.
It's a Twin Beech. I saw one here this morning.
Who's got a Twin Beech? It's that Col. Wilberforce.
He was at maintenance. If he's still there, get him over here.
Now listen. Don't talk, just listen.
We're getting things under control, so you can take it easy.
We know what kind of a plane you're in.
We're making necessary preparations to talk you down.
Rancho Conejo over.
Rancho Conejo tower, listen, we can't land this thingl
We're in real trouble. Overl
You'll be perfectly all right as long as you follow instructions.
The man at the controls should also be the man on the radio.
-Here. Put 'em on. -No. I don't want to!
Put 'em on!
He said the fella flying should be on this thing.
Am I supposed to do everything? You want me to fly, work the radio?
What are you? The hostess?
No, he's got to take charge. What's the matter with him?
He's just sitting there, rigid-like.
If he catches you at that keyhole, you'll be rigid-like.
-He didn't want to be disturbed. -He keeps looking at the wall.
He'll have to be disturbed if any of this develops further.
I bet you any amount of money that we could get on the ball and get....
Everything's under control, Chief.
-You okay, Chief? -Yes. Why?
-How's it going? -Something's bound to happen soon.
Take a look at this.
Those two in the basement started a fire...
...then set off fireworks. They still didn't get out.
Those two guys in the airplane had an accident...
...knocked the pilot unconscious.
The control tower is trying to talk them down.
The others....
Aerial report that the man, Otto Meyer, had an accident.
He tried to cross a river and he lost his car.
Now he's on foot, walking back to the main road.
This fella Pike, he's here...
...coming in on 94 with Mrs. Marcus and her daughter, Mrs. Finch.
Mr. Finch and this Algernon, whatever his name is. The limey.
They're about five or six miles behind...
...in an Avis Chevrolet they rented in Canyon City.
And this Sylvester Marcus, the one the old lady called...
...he's about here going in the other direction.
They all ought to be meeting up in about five minutes.
You know what I believe I'd like?
A chocolate fudge sundae with whipped cream and a cherry on top.
Dingy, don't let this worry you. We're gonna get killed.
Men, this is Col. Wilberforce speaking.
These gentlemen here have asked me to take charge of this situation...
...so I immediately said that I'd be glad to take charge of it.
-Before I say anything else.... -I don't think he's going to help us, Dingy.
Yes he is, Benjy. He'll help us.
Now, just have confidence in him. He's a colonel. Listen to him.
Steady, men.
I'm told that neither of you has had flying experience.
Before I say anything else...
...I want to congratulate you on having done so well...
...so far.
Now, first of all, men, I'll explain what we intend to do.
You can't land the airplane until you've made your approach.
And you can't make your approach until you've made a long slow turnaround...
...down to the south.
And we've got to be clear on a few things before you can start that long slow turn.
Now, the stick that you're holding, that is, I assume that....
Men, are you holding that stick?
Is somebody holding that stick? Over!
What stick? The wheel. I'm holding it.
-We're both holding it. -Good.
For a second there, I was afraid... Never mind that.
Now I'll explain the controls. It's important that you understand that.
Because if you don't, I'm afraid what might....
-You want a lift? -Yes, thank you very much.
It's nice of you to stop.
-I'm going as far as Santa Rosita Park. -That's out of my way.
-We're blocking traffic. -We are?
Let's move it. Move it.
There we go. All right.
You hide behind the counter. I'll light up a fuse.
Melville, will you just do one thing for me before you use the dynamite?
Try hitting the door just once more.
Honey, I broke my back on that door. That's a hard door. I mean....
Okay.
Where's the sledgehammer?
This staircase isn't safe anymore. The fire burned it all out.
Please?
All right.
You're going to....
Melville, for God....
Melville!
Monica...
...now let's forget about the door.
Look out!
-What? -They've spotted us.
-Who have? -Don't stop. Keep going.
-What is this? -Helicopter. They've seen us.
What helicopter?
-That's a police helicopter. -They always use them.
-Who? -Who do you think?
I don't want to talk about this, but they got me hemmed in.
-Who? -Will you shut up and listen?
I'm going to break a rule that says we must never reveal our true identity.
This is a matter of life or death, a desperate situation.
-What is? -Will you shut up and listen?
Look, I haven't got much time, so if you love your country...
...if you're a patriot, you'll listen, and listen hard.
You gotta get to a phone and make a call.
-I don't got-- -You got to call Intelligence.
Central Intelligence Agency in Washington, D.C.
-What on earth-- -Now, listen!
You tell 'em you heard from X-27. You got it? X-27.
X-27 told you to tell them they've made three attempts on my life today.
They tried to drown me.
Can you handle a gun? Now, look....
There's a cafe. Pull right in there. You'll use that phone.
-I don't think l-- -Shut up! You're in no danger.
They've never seen ya. Now, pull in.
All right, good. Get to a phone.
Tell the operator "emergency priority," then ask for the CIA.
Jump out. Come on, come on.
You're in no danger. They don't know you.
You're all right. I'll duck the car and come back.
For God's sake, don't stand in the street.
They'll see you. They'll spot you!
Move it. Go!
Sylvester! It's Sylvester!
Turn around, you idiot!
What do you want to stop him for? He's going the wrong way.
It's my son. Do as you're told, stupid.
They're nuts.
Tell them the tow truck turned around and is following the Dodge.
2-1-7-1, 2-1-5-9.
This is stupid.
You call me a stupid idiot.
Let me tell you something. You're a stupid idiot.
-He'll go all the way to Plaster City. -So he goes to Plaster City.
I don't know about you, but I'm turning this thing around.
Now, you want to catch him, you get out and run.
Let's stop arguing. Please.
The reason we're together is because they only had one car.
Let's get there, even if we are last.
Whatever the outcome of the day, I shall never forget that you hit me...
...when I wasn't even looking.
Yeah.
Russell!
-How can you be so slow? -I've had just about enough out of you.
If ya turned quicker we coulda caught him!
-Why don't you shut up? -Russell! There!
It's Russell and Mr. Hawthorne!
Stop them! Catch them!
We gonna start that again?
Faster! Step on it! Blow the horn, you big dope!
What do you want them for anyway?
Keep up with them. You're falling behind.
Sylvester! Mother! Sylvester!
Stop him! Don't let him get away!
I say, what's that chap honking his hooter for?
It's probably some road hog who thinks he owns....
-What? -What?
I got to ask you something about Mama! Russell, wait a minute!
-It's my brother-in-law. -What's he doing?
Be careful of him. He's not normal.
You're getting me-- Boy, are you bugging me, man!
I'm going to nail...l'm getting bugged now!
Whoa, man.
Russell, if you don't pull over, I'll kill you! I'm warning you, pull over and stop.
I said stop!
You asked for it.
Russell, when I get my hands on you....
What are you doing?
-I said stop! -Are you crazy?
-We'll get killed! -Pull over!
Don't you know what I mean? I said stop that car!
When I get my hands on you, Russell, I will kill you!
Are you crazy?
I've never seen anything like this bunch.
He ran right into them, ran them right off the road.
-You guys, come on out of there! -Fellow's absolutely beside himself.
-What are you trying to do? -Let's go!
-What did you do to my mother? -We wouldn't do any--
Move! Move!
-What did you do to my mother? -I didn't do anything! Let me explain.
Look here.
She called me. She phoned me.
What she told me was so horrible, I thought she'd gone nuts!
-It was true, wasn't it? -It's not true.
Whoever told you was a liar. It's not true.
-It is true! -Now, look here!
Are you English? Just answer me!
Yes. As a matter of fact, I am. Don't you like the English?
There was an Englishman.
She said that you and this Englishman... I'll kill you!
What did you do to my Mama?
-Emmeline! -Mama!
Why couldn't you listen? Why couldn't you shut up...
...when I was trying to tell you to listen?
That chap's run absolutely amok!
Few minutes, we'll have 'em in position.
In a couple of minutes, we'll have you in position.
-You're doing a great job, Colonel. -Thank you.
Why not just shoot 'em down?
None of these people must suspect...
...that they have ever been under observation.
Now, none of them have ever seen me.
None of them know me...
...so I'll be moving in alone.
The minute I move in, I'll give you the word.
And when you pass the word...
...I don't want to have another policeman within miles of me.
-Right? -Right.
I won't like it if I see another policeman.
I give you my word.
I wanted to stop for you. My wife and he wanted to stop for you.
Tell him how my mother-in-law made us drive by him.
Anything you have to say about your mother-in-law...
...you don't have to explain to me.
You know what I mean?
If she were a star of a real crummy horror movie...
...l'd believe it.
Yeah!
That's him!
If I catch you, I'll kill you! I tell you, I'll kill you!
You dirty robber!
Someone you know?
I'll drive. All set?
All set, Chief.
Culpeper, all set?
Yes, sir. Airport just reported and they're starting an approach now.
Right.
What's the matter, Chief? You forgotten something?
No. I don't think I've forgotten a thing.
Now, men, about the brakes... You've got to know about the brakes.
I'll tell you in just a minute. Just hold it a second.
What the hell is with this wire?
Just hold it a second.
What was that?
Men, look.
Be calm. This is it. Just one minute more, it'll be all over.
I mean, it'll all be over. I mean, courage, men.
We're all with you every second.
We're pulling for you as hard as we can.
Now it's just hold onto your nerves, men, and not get excited or do anything foolish.
But just keep calm. That's all we'll do.
Keep calm. Calm, menl
Not that calm, you idiot!
Pull up!
Now, don't worry. Just keep calm.
What's this? What's this that's coming?
-That's good. That's cement. -What? Wait a minute! Hold it!
What are you doing, Benjy?
-What, are you trying to scare me? -No!
Well, you did.
It's just a couple of sticks of dynamite, that's all.
How much noise could it make? Boom. It's all over.
Get it over right! Get it over!
Left rudder!
Too low! Pull up.
No! Left rudder!
No! Pull it up!
Help!
Help! I'm the Colonel, you know!
Help!
Help! Get me down!
We're not going to land and we'll never make it.
What do you mean, we'll never make it? Don't freeze.
Benjy, don't freeze.
This one's going to work.
-Damn it, come to! -You hit me.
Listen, wait a minute.
We're down!
-We're on the ground. -Hooray!
It's just a noise, that's all. It's way over there.
Put on the brakes.
Okay. Where are they?
Benjy! Here comes a restaurant!
We've landed! Come on.
Come on. Hurry. Now, hurry up.
-Come on, let's go. -What about him?
Never mind him. An ambulance will come.
Let's get out of here.
Cab!
We're in an awful hurry. Do you know where the State Park is?
Sure. What happened?
Emergency landing. Come on, hurry.
Quick, let's go. Come on.
Come on, Benjy.
Excuse me.
Excuse us. Here's your bag.
You see, the lock didn't work.
Go.
That's all. The owners will pay for everything.
Next door, he'll pay for everything. It's okay.
You people. You!
Come back here. Come back!
You vandals!
The cops in this town are morons, retarded.
I'm dealing with moronic people.
'Cause he's in a bad humor, that fat Nazi.
What, I gotta suffer 'cause of him?
Get away from me. What's the matter?
Can't you see I'm on the phone? Gimme two minutes!
Now, listen, Sy....
Will you take us to Santa Rosita State Park?
What's the matter? What happened to you? Initiation?
We had an accident. Hurry up!
Benjamin and Bell stopped at a gardener supply place and bought picks and shovels.
Hold it, Chief. Here's a report on the Crumps.
Their cab turned onto 101 moving south toward your present position.
Wait. The other taxi's also turning onto 101...
...and they're moving north. They're both coming your way.
Understood.
Stand by.
They ought to be here any minute.
Look.
It's the two idiots, the little one and the one with the marbles in his mouth.
-It's that hokey dentist. -Yeah.
Pass that cab.
-What's the rush? -Whaddaya mean "rush"?
No rush. We're just in a hurry.
Culpeper.
Now.
Give the order to pull away.
-Come on. Hurry up. -Shouldn't I wait around?
No. Here's $5.
-What's with the pick and shovel? -Mind your own business. Come on.
-Think anybody is here? -Didn't see any cars.
Wait a minute!
-Let's talk this over. -I got nothing to talk about.
Wait a minute.
Think anybody else has been here?
-How should I know? -Wait!
If you think we're the first ones here, why not make a deal?
The four of us?
Nobody knows where to look, so we'll look together.
We'll find it before the others. Incidentally, where are all the others?
How come you two just got here? You had the plane.
What happened to you?
They're up to something funny, you hear?
Did you see the blonde I brought, covered in paint with her dress ripped?
What's that all about?
Yeah. And what about the picks and shovels?
You run back to headquarters. Wait till you hear from me.
-Let me come, Chief. -I'd like to, but it might snarl things up.
Thanks for everything.
Lots of luck, Chief.
Benjy! Did you see anything, pal?
No, but there must be something somewhere.
-See anything? -Not a thing.
Are you sure he didn't say something you've forgotten?
He said it's buried under a big W and that we'd see it.
-It's gotta be here. -I tell you what we do.
You go how we came. We'll go how you came.
We might have missed something. Hold it.
You go the way we came....
That's right. Okay, let's go.
They're looking for something buried under a big W.
I heard one of them, the stutterer, say it.
Yeah, I heard. But what?
Did you see anything?
-No. Did you? -Nothing.
That guy hid it so good, he couldn't find it himself.
I think--
Who's he?
-I don't know. -But he had a shovel.
Maybe he's a prospector.
-What are you talking-- -We're wasting time.
Harder. We gotta look harder!
Let's look harder. Come on, let's go.
-Who's he? -I don't know, but he hasn't got a shovel.
-He's here, I tell ya. -Yes, sir. That's his car.
-I'll get that phony. -Somebody must've come in those cabs.
-Come on, let's get moving! -Come on, let's get moving!
-They must be here. -They'd better be. Come on, Emmeline.
-Don't just sit there! -Don't just sit there!
Yes, I am.
Then sit!
Mrs. Finch, aren't you the teeniest bit curious?
No. I'm not even curious, just disgusted.
I say, that really is a pity. Do forgive me, I must go.
You wouldn't know a big W if you saw one!
-I know a-- -Shut up!
I don't care what you say, I don't think they're here yet.
They're here somewhere. That means they haven't found it.
-That's all he said? "Under a big W"? -Actually, I joined the party after that.
Yes, sir, that's what he said. It's under a big W.
-Let's look-- -Will you shut up and follow me?
-Who's that? -I don't know!
-From this morning? -Yes.
-Who's he? -I don't know.
-Who's he? -I don't know!
Mama, how many people are mixed up in this?
Mama, who are they? Cabbies?
Mama, this thing's like a convention.
Is anything wrong, ma'am? I didn't mean to startle you.
Who are you? Are you with the others, the ones that are looking?
-I am, in a way. Aren't you? -No.
I mean, I didn't want anything to do with it right from the start.
And you know what?
I know where it is. I'm the only one, and I wasn't even looking.
You know where it is?
Yes! What should I do?
Come on out, everyone! This is ridiculous.
-I absolutely agree. -Come on out.
We all know we're all here. Nobody's fooling anyone.
So we all know. So what?
Don't talk to my mama in that tone of voice!
-You hear? -Shut up!
Listen, we ain't the only ones here. I seen four or five others.
Those two cab drivers.
-They came with us and that dentist. -You want to start?
-Yes, I want to-- -Why are we wasting time?
We're all here.
Even if somebody finds the money, nobody gets away with it...
...unless everybody gets a share.
Let's all get sensible and get this organized.
Did you all hear what Mama said?
-Come on, Mama. -Now, wait a minute.
Did any of you see a guy with glasses...
...with a sneery expression on his face?
This guy was ugly. I mean, like, real ugly.
If you help dig it up, you can have half and I'll have half.
Is that okay? I mean, is that fair?
If I have half of the money...
...I can go away somewhere where nobody can find me.
Not Russell or my mother or Sylvester, anybody.
You don't know what that'd mean.
If I had enough money...
...I might be able to live in a convent or something.
In a convent?
We all know we're all here.
It seems intelligent to me that we should all share...
...in one equal share apiece, right?
Right. Mel was right.
We all know that. Lookit--
-No. -Yeah.
It's him, all right. Yeah!
You got this wrong. I came to apologize.
Forgive and forget! I'm your friend.
-He's so neurotic. Can't you do something? -I'll get you.
-He's very neurotic. I'm your friend! -When I get my hands on you....
Why, that's it.
Sure. Look!
It's the big W, I tell you!
It's the big W!
Look at this.
Look at it!
I'm sorry, Mrs. Finch.
I'm afraid it's too late.
I think they've found it.
Right here all the time! He wasn't kidding!
-He was telling the truth! -Folks, isn't this great?
Congratulations. Well done.
Listen, I think the big boy should get an extra share.
After all, it was he who found it.
Yes! I insist he gets an extra share.
That's right. He deserves an extra share.
Let's start digging.
Suppose somebody comes along. What do we tell him?
We're here with an anthropological expedition.
-Nah. -We don't tell them anything!
We tell them to scram or we beat their brains in.
It was a nice dream.
Lasted almost five minutes.
Now, don't bug me, I said.
Faster.
Come on, dig, dig.
Faster, faster.
Faster. Dig. That's it, dig.
Faster.
There's not enough room. You two, out.
Let us do it.
Wait. There's not enough room. You're bugging me.
-"Bugging"? -Cut out, cut out.
What's this "cut out" talk?
-Out, baby. Out! -Don't call me baby.
-Quit arguing! -Will ya come on?
-What's that? -What was that?
-That's it. -Sounded like a chest.
I wonder what's in it.
Bring it up here!
There it is!
-It's a satchel. -Hold it up!
-It's a satchel! -I got it.
Open it up.
Come on!
Bingo!
I say, chaps, shouldn't we find a spot of cover?
There's nobody around.
Come on. Count it out.
-What are we waiting for? -Now wait a second!
Everybody's going to get something, so no arguments. We all get equal shares!
He's right.
That's the only way to do it. Shares for everybody.
Now, how many are we?
One, two...
...three, four, five, six, seven, eight...
...9, 10, 11, 12, 13...
...14, 15.
15 of us. That means 15 equal shares.
You dirty double-crosser. You cut yourself in for twice!
You can't get away with that!
Get him!
Grab him!
Get him!
You only cheated yourself because now you're out.
Listen! You can't cut me out now, you hear?
Not after what I've been through!
All right. Okay.
I'm warning you, if I don't get a share, I'm going straight to the police.
-The police? -What makes you think the police--
That money had to come from somewhere.
We know where it's from, that poor man that died on the mountain.
You wasn't even there, so shut up.
Okay, you asked for it. I'm going straight to the police.
You think they'd be interested, Mr. Meyer?
Are you kidding? Isn't it obvious?
How do you think money gets....
How did you know my name?
You know this crook?
I've never met him, Mr. Pike, but I've come to feel that I know him.
How did you know my name? I've never met you.
Yeah, who are you?
Didn't he come with you?
He didn't come with us. We thought he came with you.
No.
If he didn't come with us, then who are you?
I'm Capt. Culpeper...
...of the Santa Rosita Police Department.
-Will you come to the point? -Yeah, I'm coming to it.
Point is, I have enough stuff in my private files...
...stuff relating to civic building...
...road contracts, harbor and cannery projects...
...enough stuff to put you, the D.A., myself...
...and a two-thirds majority behind bars for the next 20 years.
And I give you my word, that's exactly where everybody's going...
-...unless things start happening now. -Like what, for instance?
I want the pension for Culpeper's grade trebled.
Not doubled, trebled. I want Culpeper to retire with honor.
I want it on paper that that's exactly what's going to happen.
And I want it in my hands in 15 minutes...
...or I'll have all the reporters in town in here in 20.
You know the word for this, Your Honor. It's called blackmail.
Sir, could you possibly see your way clear to give us a break?
You kidding? Him give you a break?
We had a pretty rough day already.
We was all covered with dirt, and we fell down in an airplane...
...and my grandmother's dying in Oxnard.
I know we don't deserve any kindness, Captain.
But if you could help us, I'm sure we'd all be inspired...
...to live better lives.
There is one thing.
I don't know whether it would help or not.
But if, instead of my turning you in...
...you went and turned yourselves in...
...juries sometimes look very favorably on things like that.
You'd let us do that?
What are we waiting for? Let's turn ourselves in.
You must be a fine human being.
After all, why should you worry whether we get a break?
Mr. Meyer, no matter what you've all done today...
...you're not really criminals.
So if you like, you can all hop into those two cabs...
...and drive over to Santa Rosita...
...and just walk in.
-Then let's do that. -But, sir, we can't all fit.
You can't take the stolen vehicles. Those have to stay to be picked up later.
-What are we waiting for? -Let's go.
Back in the back.
Drive carefully.
They may be the last passengers you'll ever carry.
Funny. That's funny.
Funny, right? Funny?
You could be the most comical cop I ever met.
Yeah.
-Culpeper. -Yes, sir.
Everything is under control here.
It'll take a little longer because there was a joker in the deck...
...that nobody knew about. All right?
Yes, sir.
So don't make a move of any kind until you hear from me.
Yes, sir.
Listen, why does the man want to give everybody a break?
-What's his angle there? -I was wondering about that, too.
Something funny's going on. How's he know what we're going to do?
We're in enough of a mess. We better do what he said.
I'm tellin' you, the man has got some angle.
Wait, wait. Hold it!
Can you see him?
-Just what does he think he's doing? -That certainly is strange.
-Sure is. -What is he doing?
-He's going the other way. -Why are we standing here?
That's it!
We're off the hook!
Get out of here! Come on, we're off!
Come on, get going.
Holy mackerel. Almost didn't make it.
No other cops around. He planned it.
We found the money and he was waiting to take it away from us.
But if we all find the money first and turn it in, we're all in the clear.
Let's just get the dough and worry about the rest later.
-Look. He's slowing down. -No, he's turning to the left.
What's going on?
Sorry, Jimmy.
He's heading for the border!
We should stop and call the police station!
You shut up!
We're going to get that money. Keep driving!
That woman is something else.
Take your foot off the brake!
Stop hitting me. I'm driving.
-When you want a cab, you can't get one. -Yeah, come on, let's go!
F-14 to Central.
Come in. What is it?
There's something phony here.
We're on 101 by Cortez checking a mad-dog report.
Orders were to maintain silence.
Capt. Culpeper wants this channel kept clear.
We know it, but we saw Capt. Culpeper. He just went by doing 90 miles an hour.
I don't think I understand that.
Are you sure it was Capt. Culpeper?
-Yep. -Was he chasing anybody?
-Nope. -Could he have been chasing anybody?
Not a chance. That's what struck us so funny.
There were about 15 people in two cabs behind him.
It looked like they were chasing him.
They were chasing him? What's going on here?
I brought it myself. Everything you asked for.
-The pension? -Yeah.
Call Capt. Culpeper.
Calling Capt. Culpeper. Central Division. Urgent.
Calling Capt. Culpeper.
-This can only happen in America. -You going to start that again?
You've got to believe me. I'm going to be sick.
What's the matter? You trying to kill us?
Just don't make me nervous!
-Don't let him get away! -Cut him off!
Calling Capt. Culpeper. Culp, this is Aloysius speaking.
Now, listen to me, Culp. Everything has been fixed.
There's been negotiations and everything is all right.
Cut out this nonsense and answer me.
This is Aloysius speaking.
I still don't understand this. What's it all about?
That's it.
All units...
...arrest Capt. Culpeper.
There he is!
-Come back! -Get me out of here!
Just don't sit there. Come on.
Come on!
Stop pushing, will ya?
Wait. We got him. Now, you women stay here.
What do you mean, "You women stay here"?
You heard him, mother. Stay here!
Come on! Let's go!
-Is he there? -Where'd he go?
Halt! Halt!
Now, wait a minute. Listen.
Yeah!
Stop pushing! Get the suitcase.
Look! Look up there!
...in this regard, and there is no doubt....
Those ladders are not safe!
Ladders are not safe!
Get off!
-You got it? -Get it away.
Get moving!
Don't push. You got it? That's it.
Sylvester, what are you doing up there? You must be out of your mind!
-Wait a minute! -Get the suitcase!
Get that money!
Don't you dare touch any of that money.
-You! Don't stand there! -To your right!
Russell, hang on!
Dingy, I can't hold on!
Help us!
Get off my hand!
Move onto the ladder!
Hold on! Wait a minute! One at a time! Did you hear me?
One at a time!
All right!
All right, you'll see. You'll see.
Get on alphabetical. I'm Benjy.
Quit stepping on my head!
Get on the ladder.
Don't leave me! Come back here!
You can't leave me!
There's too many men on it to control it.
Hold it steady. Watch it. She's whipping loose.
Wind us down!
I don't want the money!
Look out!
Get off!
She's going! Get out of there!
It's all your fault.
It's your fault from beginning to end.
You know, even for a policeman...
...your behavior was ruddy outrageous.
You could've taken a fair share like the rest of us...
...but no, you had to grab up the whole scene, baby.
We had $350,000 right in our hands.
Fourteen into $350,000....
Shut up.
I wish I knew what they were gonna do to us.
But no matter what happens to us, I hope what happens to you will be worse.
I don't think you have to worry too much about that.
My wife is divorcing me.
My mother-in-law is suing me for damages.
My daughter is applying to the courts to have her name changed.
My pension has been revoked.
And the only reason that you 10 idiots...
...will very likely get off lightly...
...is because the judge will have me up there to throw the book at.
That's tough.
I'd like to think that sometime, maybe 10 or 20 years from now...
...there'd be something I could laugh at, anything.
Now, see here, you idiots, it's all your fault because--
Get away from me!
Let me go!